It’s been a few months since I last wrote here.  My husband is healing but still has a way to go. It’s been just over 8 months since his accident and we’ve been told it could be 12-18 months after the accident before he’s at 95% recovery.  He still suffers a lot of pain and remains on pain killers. Some days are better than others but he is working fulltime, although mostly from home. And he has adjusted to it and actually likes working at home now.  Some years ago when he tore his achilles tendon he hated being stuck at home, even though he was working – he wanted to be in the city.  Things change

I had an accident last month while out bushwalking. I won’t rewrite the whole thing here but if you’re interested in the details, you can read about it at my photography blog, since I was out doing photography when it happened.

I’m now nursing a broken leg and will be on crutches till 1st February when I have to go back and see the surgeon. I spent 8 days in hospital and had to have surgery to have a rod and screws put into my leg.  Consequently my poor husband has had to look after me, the household, meals and the cats – when he struggles to look after himself some days.  What was supposed to be 3 weeks of Christmas holiday leave turned out to be a time of being a Carer for me.  He’s done a wonderful job but he hasn’t had to do it all himself.  And the reason why is because we have a support network of family, friends, neighbours and our church family.  Between them we’ve had shopping done, especially before Christmas, Christmas presents wrapped, the house cleaned, cooked meals provided, errands run, my business mail picked up, and support and prayer.  Without these people we would have been in a far worse state and my husband probably wouldn’t have coped.

Why have I brought this up? A friend on Facebook recently posted about the challenges she is having with her family of boys. One is nearing his teen years. She’s been a widow for a few years now and is struggling to manage her family and finds it a real challenge and very tiring. I asked her if she had contacted her local church and asked for help. Her response was that there are others with worse problems than her and she didn’t want to bother them. I told her she was wrong and that the church will only know there’s a problem and she needs help – if she tells them.

We are often told that God is concerned about every single detail in our lives and that He wants us to bring those concerns to Him.  Likewise I think it’s important we reach out to His people because who is better equipped to help us and be there for us, if not God’s people?

A Proverbs 31 Woman, in most cases, has a man, her husband, to look after her and care for her. But what about those who are widows or without their husbands for some reason? While she will still watch over the affairs of her household (verse 27) she is still very much someone who needs to be looked after.  In the Bible we’re encouraged to look out for widows and orphans – but if you don’t know they have a need, it’s unlikely you’ll be helping them.

If you know a widow (or widower), especially one with young children, why not check on them regularly?  Particularly if they don’t have other family close by.  Unfortunately today so many are separated from their extended family members and are often hundreds of miles away. They’ll be appreciative of adult company and conversation and may not feel they can ask for help – so why not offer it anyway?  And if they say ‘no’, keep in touch – they may just feel that they can’t ask or accept, even when they are in need.

As mentioned recently, my husband has been in hospital for many weeks.  I was anxious for his return home, just as he was.  We missed one another very much – I was lonely at home, and he was missing everything that home represented. Funny, but home seemed so empty with his absence, although in normal circumstances he’s only here at night time, most of the time. He’s away at work Monday-Friday and on weekends usually on mountain bike rides (the cause of the accident) or trail building or out with his mate.  He’ll be home in the evenings and we go to church together on Sunday mornings. Sometimes we go out for dinner, visit family together, or have family meals here.

Well I’m pleased to say he came home last Friday and we were both elated.  Home seems so different now and we talked about how we’ll never take one another for granted again.  There was so much we both missed and never realised just how much we would miss each other and our normal life together.

In the short time he’s been home he has begun being able to do things he could not do while at the hospital.  All part of the healing process but with a difference. Here at home it feels so different (for him) and the healing seems quicker.  Perhaps it’s because the time is more filled with things and it goes faster, perhaps it’s because he’s doing different but every day normal things to what he was doing in the hospital.  I do believe there is something else in it though – love.  I was thinking about what has transpired in the past 72 hours and it’s been filled with love.

Love here at home, love at our church, love from our family and friends.  It hit me – that there is healing in love.

When you read through the verses in Proverbs 31:10-31 you will find that everything the Proverbs 31 Woman does is covered in love.  She brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life…. she provides food for her family… she watches over the affairs of her household and so it continues.

When you think further on through the bible though you are reminded of a love that is larger, much larger, and the promise of healing for all.  John 3:16  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…  Yes, there is healing in love.

Our responsibility as Proverbs 31 Women isn’t just to our family but to those who surround us too.  Verse 15 speaks of the ‘servant girls’, verse 20 the ‘poor and needy’, verse 24 of ‘merchants’ and verse 31 talks of the ‘city gate’.  In other words, everyone we are in community with.

Verse 26 says ‘She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue’ and while much of this passage relates to the family of the Proverbs 31 Woman, I believe we are encouraged to conduct ourselves in such a way towards all we encounter and have some kind of personal interaction with our friends, neighbours, colleagues, clients, and anyone else we should have contact with.

And so it is with this preface that I encourage you to think carefully about what you say and to whom.  In particular the ‘negative speak’ that often enters our head and exits our mouths before we’ve really thought about it.

Case in point:  My husband is currently in hospital due to a serious accident he had 6 weeks ago.  He suffered spinal cord injury and partial paralysis. Let me first say he is recovering and we’ve been told he can expect 95% full recovery within a 12 month period. This is wonderful and we look forward to that.  However, in his first week he was really worried that he might be permanently paralysed and at times he was concerned he might die.  He was worried about what he’d done to our relationship and our future together.

I knew he was depressed in those first couple of weeks, as did his best friend and I’d shared with our Pastors too. We all worked at building up his spirits, encouraging him and praising him with each new development as he began to sit up again, regain his ability to walk unaided and relearning to use his right hand.  Each day he is able to do a new thing again, small perhaps, but they count and he is making progress.

What I can’t understand is why people (who are otherwise well-meaning) should start relating stories to him of others they’d heard who’d had accidents and died, who’d never recovered, who’d returned home only to have something go wrong and so on.  What kind of encouragement is this to my husband?  It makes my job, and that of those of us encouraging him, all the more harder.

It seems that ‘bad news’ is told better and travels faster than ‘good news’.  I encourage you to consider Ephesians 4:29 ‘Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen‘.  In other words, if it won’t encourage or build up someone, then don’t say it at all.   Especially when they’re down, or convalescing.

While my husband may appear to be his ‘normal self’ when chattering, the reality is he’s still very vunerable and fragile emotionally and, for the most part, is not in an environment where people are working to build up his spirits, but rather to heal his body.  I am glad he feels he can text or ring me when he needs me to build him up and encourage him. He knows he will always get that from me.  But it is sad that I have to keep ‘putting out fires’ and extinguishing the bad that someone else has conjured up in his mind simply because they had a ‘good’ (but sad) story to tell.

If you are planning to spend time with someone who is getting better, no matter what from, please don’t start pulling out bad luck or sad stories to tell these people. They don’t need them. What they do need are positive stories that will build hope and encourage them in getting better themselves.  Even funny stories, as long as they don’t have bad endings, can help.  Or say nothing at all and just listen to the patient talk about what they need to talk about.  You being a listener is far better for them and healing, than listening to a story that will have them worrying long after you’ve stopped talking to them and gone on to something else.

Bless the people you speak with, don’t mess them up.

A day when all mothers should be shown appreciation and love, but sadly, that isn’t always the case.   Some mothers are estranged from their children, some live a big distance away, often because children have moved, some are just not appreciated.  Some mothers never got the opportunity to see their children grown up because the child was taken from them when only a baby.

And yet God intended for the relationship between mothers and their children to be a blessed one. Proverbs 31:28 “Her children arise and called her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her”. How do your children see you as a mother? How does your husband view you?

I hope that you are being revered today and that your family are paying homage to you on this very special day that recognises the value of mothers in several countries. If you haven’t already, have a look at this clip – I hope it blesses you.

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It’s daughters Week! If you have a beautiful daughter/s that you
love more than you can describe, copy and paste this to your
status for a little while, but hold them in your heart for a lifetime

The above was posted by a friend on Facebook and I dutifully copied and pasted it onto my wall.  I have daughters I love and am proud of and they are all beautiful people.  I loved them very much as children, but now as adults they are people in their own right, fashioned by their parents and by the world that surrounds them.

They are, indeed, held in my heart and will be for a lifetime.

I hope and pray that they also hold me in a similar light.  P31:28 ‘Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her’ This can only happen if we treat our children in the manner they deserve and as they grow up and become adults, we respect them as adults, not as little children.  Too many times I’ve seen people who have badgered or nagged their adult children about things, when instead they should be loving them and praying for them, and continuing to set an example.  We release them into God’s care and pray that He will continue to direct and guide them throughout their years.