Showing Love is not subservient
I hope you’ve seen my Proverbs 31 Woman presentation set to music? I have it linked on the site here or you can see it at youtube.
I had an interesting comment placed at youtube which basically said the writer felt that the Proverbs 31 verses were not positive but saying that women were servants.
This morning I got up before my husband because I was going out on a photoshoot (my latest passion and favourite hobby) and I set about getting ready, switched on the urn for a cuppa and made myself breakfast. Once the urn heated I asked my husband would he like a coffee and then made it for him and took it into the bedroom for him. For which he was extremely grateful and he told me so.
Doing things for my husband gives me a warm glow inside and a feeling of contentment, that all is right with the world. It doesn’t matter what else is going on in our lives if I can do small things for him here and there and know he truly appreciates what I’ve done for him.
This is not a sign of being subservient but rather I am demonstrating love in action.
Verse 12 says: “She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life” and I like to feel that is exactly what I do for my beloved Graham. It’s not about being a servant or being subservient ( implies the cringing manner of one very conscious of a subordinate position <domestic help was expected to be properly subservient>).
I choose to do things for my husband, loving him for who he is and it doesn’t matter if he shows his appreciation or not for the most part. My actions are not dependent on his praise, acknowledgement, or reciprocal actions. It’s about showing him the love I have for him, knowing that in some small way I am making his life better on a daily basis.
If anyone at all feels that a wife doing something for her husband (freely and willingly) is an act of being a servant then I would say that person has never ever experienced true love.
I’m not talking about being besotted with someone and getting in their way and hanging around them and constantly smothering them. That can get really tiresome for the person the attention is focussed on. But I am talking about really loving someone and getting real joy out of doing simple things for them.
My husband told me quite some time ago how much it means to him to come home at night and have an evening meal ready for him. He cycles to and fro work daily so by the time he gets home he is quite hungry and the text books tell him he should be fuelling up after a ride. After Graham told me that I began to take even more care with the type of meals I was preparing and deriving real joy from his genuine comments of appreciation and enjoyment of the meal I’d prepared for us both. Just that simple one statement he’d made about his appreciation for the evening meal meant so much to me and it’s something I’ll remember always. And because of his comment I get even more enjoyment out of preparing the meal for him.
What about you? Do you know how much your husband enjoys something you do for him? Not all men express their feelings verbally but look for ways he might indicate to you of his pleasure at something you’ve done for him. And if you’re not sure – ask, or perhaps share with him something you really appreciate about him. It may just open up conversations you haven’t had before.
April 6th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
I have encountered women who feel that serving their husbands is to be a servant… You said it best: “If anyone at all feels that a wife doing something for her husband (freely and willingly) is an act of being a servant then I would say that person has never ever experienced true love.”
Jesus was a servant to those he loved even though he was their leader. We are to serve one another, (Galatians 5:13) I serve my husband and he serves me. Yes, I get up and make the coffee every morning because I am the first one up, and at times will take a cup to him. He will make the bed for me every morning, and unload the dishwasher so that my day starts with no dishes in the sink. He does this for me because he knows how much I appreciate it, He loves me and therefore wants to serve me. He does express how much he loves my cooking. (especially if it is his favorite spaghetti I will hear his gratitude all night long.)
I am no more of a servant to him than I am my children. I am their “superior” in position, strength, and knowledge, but because I love them I cook for them, clean for them, and give to them freely. Sometimes they do not appreciate it. They sometimes grumble about the dinner I made, but do I stop feeding them? no, because I love them.
April 10th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Hi Kathie! I like a lot your message and totally agree with what you wrote even i am not married. Like also the video from Youtube and saw what that person wrote ; good answer you gave to him/ her 🙂 .
When you are a Christian and know what true love is washing, making dinner…for your husband and kids do not mean you are a servant , everything is done from love. These days two many person forgot what real love mean – before to love you must understand what real love is.
God bless you
Gina
April 12th, 2009 at 12:53 am
My husband often tells me the difference between me and his ex is I’m always showing him I love him by the things I do for him and I do them freely without him having to ask me. I do it because I love him and I want to honor him as my husband. If that’s being a “sevant” well WHATEVER! I gladly accept that role.
April 12th, 2009 at 2:40 am
Kathie,
That post will likely have a tremendous impact on some women who have never taken the time to consider just what “a demonstration of love in action” means. Often we have to mount a serious fight against our “what about me” culture and realize that it is a good thing to give.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings!
Debra
April 12th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Giving has always been an act of love, and (even though true givers don’t seek it) we are blessed back when we do. Unfortunately, the selfish world we live in has convinced us that those who give are fools, and the name-calling causes us to flince.
But it’s what we miss by not giving that is the greater sin. The satisfaction in sharing a part of yourself. The feeling of being appreciated. And the honor of pleasing God.
April 15th, 2009 at 10:48 am
My husband called me on his way from work today to tell me he had bought me a gift. He knows that I am often out after dark and he bought me lights for the walkway from the driveway to the house. It’s his way of showing his care for me. I make sure he has a pitcher of cold sweet tea ready when he comes home and a decent meal. He built me a trellis for my new hummingbird vine. I make sure he has a comfortable, clean home to return to each day. We are not being subservient. We are demonstrating our affection and care for each other. If that makes me submissive I guess I am – submissive to God’s word that I am to care for my husband.
The Proverbs 31 woman is a strong and independent woman who honors and loves her husband and does not hesitate to show it. More woman would do well to follow that example.
April 15th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Hi Kathie. Your comments touch on an interesting point.
From a male’s point of view, these acts are not about subservience. Rather they are acts of kindness or love. In many ways they can also be unconditional – not expecting anything in return.
The fact that they occur within the contaxt of marriage should not alter their nature. These kind acts could occur between friends, neighbours, spouses or other family members.
Keep up the good work!
Stuart
July 9th, 2009 at 3:44 am
If you enjoy helping people outside your home (even strangers), then why shouldn’t you enjoy helping people you love and care for inside your home.
We are here to carry one another’s burdens and to love one another.
Just imagine what a wonderful world it would be if we all were God’s servants to one another.
August 31st, 2009 at 6:00 pm
[…] Worth More Than Rubies: The Value of a Work At Home Mom“>There are a lot of resources available for women and Proverbs 31. We will share some of those resources on Day 31 every month. Today we are looking at Proverbs 31:12 and wanted to pass on a YouTube video from Kathie M. Thomas and a post that she she wrote about the difference between showing Love and not being a subservient. Read her post here. […]
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:48 am
Dear Kathie, I have been taught by God himself that to love Him is to serve Him. The word says we are to submit to our husbands for a reason, when our husbands love us as Christ loved His church we want to do everything to we can to please Him because we know He will be doing his best to please us and 2 happy people = a happy home where there is growth in all areas. No longer married I look froward to the day when God will give me a christian man who understands this and will happily serve him because then I am pleasing to Jesus. When a woman understands her role and lets the husband play his role there is great security and freedom, the world don’t understand this. I have done my best to teach this to my 3 girls and to my son who will one day be married and I want them to succeed. I thank God for people like you who are prepared to stand up and say what the truth is so the world will know why we are different.
Thank you again. Virginia South Australia
April 25th, 2010 at 5:45 pm
Hi Kathie. Your comments touch on an interesting point.
From a male’s point of view, these acts are not about subservience. Rather they are acts of kindness or love. In many ways they can also be unconditional – not expecting anything in return.
The fact that they occur within the contaxt of marriage should not alter their nature. These kind acts could occur between friends, neighbours, spouses or other family members.
Keep up the good work!
Stuart
June 2nd, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Hi Stuart, thanks for your note. I just found your comment in the spam filter so have taken it out of there.
So many people do not realise what you have outlined here.